It is now 9:38 pm on Thursday night and I am just sitting down to write my weekly column to you.
My eyelids are heavy with a fog that is trying desperately to creep into my eyes. The jeans that I jumped into to go to my son’s scrimmage game this evening feel confining as my body is telling me it’s tired of restraint and wants to crawl into comfy clothes.
My fingers aren’t springing quite as fast over the keyboard and my 4-legged friend, who lays next to me every day here in the office, has packed it in. Patiently she waits for me at the top of the stairs–in between her dreams of chasing squirrels.
To be totally transparent, I have not had a clear enough space in my head this week to even think about writing.
You see, to write, you need head space. There needs to be a settling, an intentional moment to ponder and then lock in on the story or message of the piece. It’s then that magic enters in and the bits and pieces are woven together to get it all out; in the right way, at the right time.
I have not had that moment this week..
Instead my time has been filled with the work of making these Morning Ag Clips go every day and the management of all the different associations and organizations that we communicate for.
It’s been about the events going on in the kid’s lives and keeping the daily activity of the house running. There have been basketball practices and scrimmages, meetings, haircuts, and dentist appointments.
There has been an office full of people and a house with many visitors. Phone calls that have been made and school projects that have been completed. Conversation and planning about the upcoming tractor parade on Saturday night that will be going right by our house–let’s celebrate.
Space has been occupied by the apple fritter that I want to have for breakfast every morning (but don’t), and Thanksgiving that is coming up next week and then Christmas on it’s heels. And there is the space that is occupied by me rolling out of bed every morning at 4:55 to go get the daily workout done and out of the way.
Oh, in my head there is a ton of what I want to say. There are many, many topics that I can’t wait to get out to you…but it’s not the time.
At 10:52 on Thursday night.
No longer am I 19 and pulling an “all-nighter” to study for a Bio prelim. Drinking 5 cups of coffee isn’t practical to get it done anymore.
Instead, now, I am 44 and I am the boss. The only drill sergeant standing over me, posed and ready to pounce…is me.
And what is standing between me and the blinking, little, black cursor that is staring at me on the screen, just waiting to take all of my words… is headspace.
Headspace. (Thank you)
I think I’ll go to bed.