As I trekked out to a meeting in western New York early this morning I was able to sort through things..
It had been quite a week adjusting to life post the 4th of July vacation…and it was only Thursday.
Not only was it about catching up on emails and phone calls that were missed the previous week but it was about trying to find a balance.
Summer vacation brings a whole new set of items to navigate…schedules with no structure. (I like the structure of school)
It’s quite daunting to try and connect all of the dots. Jobs, camps, friends, swimming, mowing, watering…exhausting. Who ever said that summer vacation was relaxing?!! Clearly they didn’t have kids yet.
So for the first hour of my drive this morning I took the time to sift through why I was in such an internally bad mood yesterday. I was totally out of sorts on the inside.
It might appear that the mood stemmed from trying to manage the lack of routine and schedule. However..
The heart of the matter: I hate leaving my children. I had been gearing up for being gone today.
It’s this inner conflict that constantly brews within me. Oh how I envy those people who just pick up and leave, give their hugs and go, no sadness leading up to it.
I struggle because I love to go to new places and meet new people. I am a person who once there is immersed and very content to be in that moment. If only beforehand it wasn’t clouded by me thinking about walking out of my door.
Please remember that this is coming from the person who walks 120 steps or thereabouts to work every day. Yes, I realize that I have nothing to cry about…I am so darn fortunate that I have been able to customize my career around my top priority in life; being the mother I was put on this earth to be.
However, it’s my reality…we all have our own to deal with–no matter how big or small. In the big scheme of things this is so small, it’s really embarrassing.
(So why do I blow this up to be so big at times?)
Fortunately the car always seems to put things back into perspective. After 8 hours of windshield time, with just me, my thoughts, thankfulness, and music I get back on board and am able to clearly see how silly this struggle is. And it is!
(But we all have them…)
Because I got out of Greenwich today, I was introduced to a Wallaby. Isn’t she cute?
Halfway through my meeting this morning, I saw this little nose and big ear poke out of a bag that the woman sitting across from me had on her lap. (Thank goodness it wasn’t a snake!) I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what it was…a Chinchilla? Bunny?
When we broke for lunch I bee lined it for the bag and got a chance to learn about these little creatures, the Wallaby. What a little snuggler!
And as I sat and held this little warm body, all of the internal angst from yesterday, that left my body as I drove out of the driveway this morning, seemed so far away and distant. How could I be so silly?
My time away from my little corner of the world, where my life blood thrives every day, reminds me to think about who I am and what I like. New places, new thoughts, new creatures. It’s a nudge that says, “Kate, you’re alive.”
And in my convoluted way of assessing and analyzing during these long car rides to and from meetings and events that crop up here and there, I am able to get outside of my daily routine and acknowledge.
I acknowledge that I hate leaving my children—but it’s okay. Leaving is a very necessary piece to my life that is going to help bring success for both me and the kids.
And no matter how big or small the issue within is, it’s okay to take pause, and acknowledge just that.
We aren’t alone. We are all human.
Except for the Wallaby. 🙂
Have a great weekend, see you next week.